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Effective business leaders have the art of using the right words at the right time.

I like a combination of my grandmother and the Buddha for inspiration.

Grandma used to put it this way: “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing.” This is a wise caution against being too critical of others. She would have liked this quote from the Buddha: “If you know anything that’s hurtful and untrue, don’t say it. If you know anything that’s helpful and untrue, don’t say it. If you know anything that is hurtful and true, don’t say it. If you know anything that is helpful and true, find the right time.”

This becomes an effective restraint against communication mistakes, but how can we project ourselves and connect with others?

By changing the way you see yourself, and changing the way others see you, your personal brand and real leadership can develop and inspire others.

The first big change is to accept that in a modern world it is not enough to be very good at what you do – whether your skill is a profession, science, IT, engineering, health, a trade, finance or consulting. In addition to being the best at what you do, you have to have an impact on those you serve and this comes down to improving your communication and leadership. In that way, you create a positive personal brand.

You can improve communication by studying how business communicates, but also making big advances if we combine this with the wisdom of the ages, with the thoughts of great thinkers and spiritual leaders.

One of the barriers is that we make assumptions about people that often turn out wrong. If we assume a person is not interested in us, we become tongue tied or stay away – it is the assumption that is the barrier.

There is an alternative and I could find no better source than this quote from His Holiness the Dalai Lama: “Wherever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it is much easier to communicate with others on that level. If we emphasise specific characteristics, like I am Tibetan or I am Buddhist, then there are differences. But those things are secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas and share experiences.” This is a great soft skills lesson.

This western and eastern thought process was so beautifully developed by a western nun and great author in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Pema Chodron, who said: “When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You’re able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open. And you notice when you get caught up in prejudice, bias, and aggression. You develop an enthusiasm for no longer watering those negative seeds, from now until the day you die. And, you begin to think of your life as offering endless opportunities to start to do things differently.”

But this attitude needs to be combined with some of the communication lessons from corporate communication, showing how we can be more successful making new friends and lead by:

·      Listening to people

·      Speaking in ways they understand

·      Not being scared of being different

·      Creating something interesting to do

·      Making relationships fun

I know you can do it.

It seems many in the west struggle to live with wealth – there is evidence of considerable dissatisfaction, unhappiness and medical conditions that impact a sense of well-being. If you doubt that there is mental confusion in the west, just reflect for a moment on the western phenomena of “road rage”, surely the product of unhappy minds.

Could some of the answers to this western dilemma be found in India?

From Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and many others, including Buddhist thinkers, we learn that our attitude to events and people around us is the most important factor in our mental well-being. The west largely seeks this well-being through events and others, not through self contemplation.

People in the west have extensive material wealth but little focus on the mind and the spirit. Largely as a result, they continue to seek lasting happiness from things outside of their own mind – happiness through a job, travel, possessions, plastic surgery, new partner, bigger house and so on. Buddhist teachers remind us all these things can be fine – so long as we have a stable sense of inner well-being. That is, lasting happiness comes from within.

The Buddha taught in India that looking for lasting happiness outside of our inner life results in attachment (where we want more and more and fear losing what we have) and in aversion (where we blame others for our unhappiness). You can see how “enough is never enough” would drive these minds.

Another western phenomena is “busyness” which is evidence of impatient minds and the drive for external sources of happiness.

India has long taught patience – living with adversity, accepting the flaws of others – whereas the west is so driven that patience is a word rarely used.

If the Himalayas were located in the west, people would flock there for bungy jumping, extreme ski sessions, jumping out of planes and other extreme sports. For India, the Himalayas have been a location of contemplation, monasteries, thought and mindfulness.

It has long been said that the ultimate western hero was Alexander the Great who conquered more than anyone before him – while a hero in India could be a guru sitting in contemplation under a tree.

In this comparison, could we find one key to happiness in the wealthy west?