9 Rules for Thriving in India

Rules compiled from my personal experience – and with some reference to “Rules for Living” by the School of Life…

1. ACCEPTING IMPERFECTION

You will never be happy in India if you seek perfection. Hang on…maybe seeking perfection anywhere is a flawed idea. Is it possible we humans are inherently flawed and broken? Is perfection beyond us? Even the west with its “belief” in science has not stamped out stupidity and pain. Life will always include suffering – this is a big Indian idea. Accepting this makes everything so much better.

2. VULNERABILITY & COMPASSION MAKE LIFE SHINE

This follows from “Accepting Imperfection”. We are all in the same boat, and recognising that we all share weaknesses, fears and mistakes can make us feel generous towards others who are also imperfect – and feel compassion for ourselves.  I learnt in India that sharing your vulnerability, talking about it to people you have just met, can lead to amazing connections.

3. ALWAYS BE KIND

To be kind to others is a choice. Being kind is a form of respect in action. In India many people accept that what happen to us is mostly out of our control, so stop struggling and find a way to live. It also acknowledges that terrible things can happen anywhere, anytime to anyone – so we can be scared or even resentful, or we can just be kind instead. It feels good.

4. HAVE A GOOD LAUGH

I seem to smile and laugh more when in India. There is a kind of blanket acceptance that life is weird, and humans are pretty funny, so have a good laugh. Accepting all of this with good grace goes a long way to easing our frustrations at our own stupidity. Back home we often see acceptance as just doing nothing – but in India acceptance becomes the first step to boldly trying your best, knowing that any outcomes will not be perfect. Why would you expect a planet of 7.8 billion people just as foolish as you to run smoothly, why expect it to be better, why look for “it SHOULD be better”? Just have a chuckle.

5. WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH – AND NOT

I dropped my obsession with “perfection” on my first arrival in India. Sure, the luggage system looked a bit messy, but they never seemed to lose my luggage. I found that the alternative to perfection is not failure, This small thing (luggage) can lead to a greater idea – rough and flawed as we all are, we can make our peace with the idea that we are, each of us, ‘good enough’. We in the west are way too quick to call out “failure”, especially in ourselves. But being ordinary or not measuring up to someone’s standards is not failure – it is just how things are.

6. FINDING WHY ROMANTICISM IS A WASTE OF SPACE

I have learnt a lot from young Indians here in Melbourne and in India. In India there is much to learn about the gradual growth of friendship into love, as a more stable approach than “falling head over heels in love”. But even that is not perfect.  I learn that love grows out of friendship, and that compatibility grows out of love – while in the west we see it as a prerequisite for love. But I also learned that having said all of this, no one is ever wholly ‘right’ nor wholly wrong. We are just learners, or as Gandhi said, seekers.

7. ACCEPTANCE IS BETTER THAN CONSTANT STRUGGLE

When the great Indian philosopher Krishnamurti was on his death bed, he was asked how he maintained such a composted and happy mind. His reply was a teaching for me. He said: “I don’t mind what happens”. It made me realise that almost all of the time, with whatever is happening, my mind made up stories or created ideas – most of which were not helpful because they led to struggle or resistance to what was happening. Things might be bad, but we can still be cheerful. Don’t mind what happens.

8. CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING

Despite our seeming importance, we are not at the centre of the universe – probably not at the centre of anything. Seeing ourselves at the centre means we do not really see as it is, we see as we are. Back to the baggage at the first airport I visited in India – I did not see what was happening, I saw it as I was – impatient, not trusting, agitated and emotional. Putting myself at the centre, when I meet people, I meet them where I am at. With wisdom from India (“I am not the centre”) – I can meet people where they are at. It is a clearer vision.

9, YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS

I can forget anything – and probably you can too. Our minds might be amazing but they also just – forget stuff. So, any big ideas need to be revisited, again and again, almost so they become a habit. Even if only one of these ideas works for you, go over it and keep it for your next visit to India.